Showing posts with label Commitment Phobia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Commitment Phobia. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Dined with a stranger

Last Monday, I went to divisoria to buy book covers. I also visited my dentist but it seemed there was an emergency so the schedule went straight to the gutters.
At the bookcover store, I had to wait a bit since the covers would have to be cut according to the size I indicated and as my own tradition, visiting divisoria means walking around Ong Pin to see something interesting.

I walked around and got lost looking for Mr. Ube since I wanted to eat their vegetarian stir fry noodles. It was a while before I found it and after eating lunch I set out to look for a store that sells White Kiamoy. Something I never pass on when visiting the place.
I found the Buddhist temple and decided to come in and meditate. I pulled out three pieces of incense from the holder and sat on the cushioned seat, I began to meditate. The place has good vibrations and it made me feel great and refreshed afterwards. I saw Chinese-Filipinos bowing excessively in front of the statue as I left.

There were no white kiamoys in the store so I bought a bag of black kiamoy. Returning to my bookcovers, I was surprised to see a 2 feet stack of 5x7 covers… It took a lot of muscles to carry it and I also bought a cane along the way since it was cheap. It was for my dad since he’s a cripple.
The day before that, I saw the Movie “Eat, Pray, Love”, which was boring and dull. Julia Roberts went to Rome to eat, then to India to “Meditate” not pray, Meditation and praying aren’t the same bananas.
Praying is a monologue whereas Meditation is a dialogue.
Meditation connects you to the supreme soul, at least that’s what they taught me. We are not encouraged to pray.
Going back to the movie, Roberts fell in “love” in Bali.

My conclusion to the movie is that Julia Roberts has commitment issues, as simple as that. She was commitment phobic, a one step forward-two-steps-back person as a friend of mine calls it before I introduced to her the words “Commitment-Phobia”. In the movie, Julia Roberts escaped her marriage quietly by packing up and leaving, a very common thing for commitment-phobic creatures. Slipping quietly through the back door like a thief in the night.
Then she had a relationship with James Franco which of course came crashing down quite similarly to her previous marriage. It wasn’t what she wanted, it’s a disorder most of us has. She called it quits for some sort of reason and began her soul searching journey.
I learned nothing from the movie.

I was going to the Philippine Heart Center but there was no time, I went back to my place in Diliman to leave the 4 kilo bookcover stack that threatened to break my arms.
The sun had started to set so I decided to have dinner in the UP Shopping center. I ate vegetarian bibimbab and sat in one of the tables. A girl sat in the same table as mine despite the next table being vacant, I gave her a smile and she returned it. We were sitting across from each other and if people didn’t know any better, they would have thought we were good friends or something.
Our food was served at the same time by the waitress, thinking we went to the place together.
We would sometime catch each other looking and would smile, eating quietly.
She left first and I finished my bibimbab. I realized people should get those kinds of relationships… just smile and mind your own business for the sake of world peace.

Monday, January 17, 2011

The new GirlFriend...

Yes, it was hard to sort of jump immediately into another relationship after Persephone (PSP) broke up with me, she had a busted memory since I took her well being for granted and didn’t handle her well enough and so our relationship had to end. I dropped her for the 467th time. Although of course I still have the will to patch things up and get things fixed but she got buried with all the things I’ve been doing recently. Maybe someday, I’ll gain the nerves to say hello once again, which will only come the need arise.
I thought perhaps I don’t need her as much. We haven’t touched for months, I wonder how her buttons are doing.

Moving on, I’ve always thought of something to help me out on my career. I’m not a fan of moleskin notebooks and the fact that I make personalized or customized notebooks has nothing to do with it. I am not proud of my handwriting but I do keep a journal and write whenever I can.

Meet the new girlfriend with Dual Core processor and a decent 250GB of hard disk memory and 2GB DDR3 memory, her name is Neomi, apparently she doesn’t have a last name so I wouldn’t mind giving her mine. Meet Neomi L*****, she’s quite uncomfortable with me sharing her vital statistics online but she’s decent and lovely if you ask me.
Doesn’t eat, doesn’t talk, loves music and movies, also reads ebooks and most importantly, she accompanies me with my writing and is very supportive of me finishing my projects. I don’t have to worry about taking her to fancy restaurants or even sharing the wine bottle with her and at least in this relationship only one will be having monthly PMS issues, which of course, I bet she can handle it pretty well.
No, drama, at least nothing will definitely start from her.

Mind you, it took me 2 days scouring up the stores in Megamall, MOA and Park Square 1 only to find this gorgeous beauty. I had second thoughts and doubts of really crossing the rubicon with this one and I weighed my options, imagined my future with her.
My previous relationship with Persephone wasn’t exactly painful, it wasn’t the thing that held me back into entering this relationship but rather, there was this fear that held me…
Getting Neomi was quite a big decision and I’m not into making big decisions.
It was said that commitment phobic people such as I am (I’m not proud, honestly) most often than not have hard times making big decisions. Big decisions include buying a car, house, iPad or any electric gadget despite the fact that they have invested so much for the purchase or preparation. I have hard times even just by deciding what to eat from the menu, it’s troubling.
But this move I did over the weekend of not letting the fear over come me is one of my baby steps into busting out my phobia… That solved my solution for this year, next move to disperse my phobia will be next year.

My weekends and after-work hours will now then be dedicated to finishing my writing projects. Ugh… dead line.