It’s been set, my first debut solo show has been
scheduled 16 months from now. A solo show as they say, marks the success of an
artist in breaking into the scene but this has been much delayed. I was offered
the solo show last year and had I worked on it sooner, I could have debuted
earlier – but of course, I do believe that I needed to be side-tracked to
realize the greater things I need to prioritize.
I find myself back to where I was and realizing where I
should be, at home in Sta Rosa where I now fix and organize my literary-office/book-art
studio and wood shop with much excitement. Things I believe are falling into
place and I’ve set my goal. Research and studies fill my idle times aside from
working on the studio which proves to be laborious.
Repainting the walls after 15 years and refurbishing
furniture. It is due to the fact that I must live a frugal life where I have to
do these things on my own. A meagre salary from writing and a few projects here
and there doesn’t promote an indulgent lifestyle. It’s a good thing I find
happiness in laborious things – it is one of the things that make me happy when
I’ve successfully finished doing the things that seemed impossible and seemed
tiring.
I do not expect that I will be able to go out as often as
I’d like but I’ve willingly embraced this loneliness to work on my show and
other projects. There is contentment and satisfaction as I see small fruits of
my labour. To add to the fact that I must live as frugal as I should, going out
will be very much limited which is something that I’ve accepted. I content
myself with the simple joys of hearing different great news from friends and
ex-lovers. I recently found out that one of my ex-lovers from college is going
to get married, I am thrilled and happy for her.
However, since I have thrown myself away from the Gates
of Hell(Manila, in its most romantic description), my joys and happiness for these
people have become nothing more than a murmur in another corner of the
universe, let it be so for my sadness. How terrible it is to not be able to
express happiness in one’s own way but be reduced to nothing more than words
and Facebook statuses and messages…
I have gathered enough materials to start and some of the
pieces I’ve already started working on.
My solo show is about the Human Condition, which proves
to be quite a heavy and deep concept which requires a lot of research and a lot
of books to read. I must study and further explore ideas and continue to work
on which is the best way to execute, despite difficulties.
There is no easy way to this.